Catch up on pics.

I haven't been doing a good job keeping up on pictures....but....

Here they are!

20 Week



21 Weeks



22 Weeks

Kicks

Last night, I was resting my hand on my stomach...and I felt a little "poke".

I thought to myself..."Was that Hawk!?!?? Surely not!"

I waited a couple seconds, and all of a sudden, I felt the little poke again...and again! I felt about 3 or 4 kicks last night from outside.

It was so NEAT! I can't wait to feel him on a daily basis. I tried to get Steve to feel him, but as soon as Steve put his hand on my stomach, Hawk quit kicking. O well. I get to keep the kicks to myself a little while longer. :)

Bedding

I believe we have settled on bedding.

Bedding is SUCH a hard choice, at least for me. I wanted to go w/ a modern look, however, anything I picked out hubby didn't like...until today when I found this...

http://www.target.com/Sweet-Potato-Domain-Bedding-Collection/dp/B000P0OKOM/ref=sc_pgp_r_2_0_15810461/183-0242931-5635943?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1

It's modern, boyish, and would go GREAT with the colors we have in the bedroom.

We Are Having A......

BOY!

We found out at our November 5th appt that we are going to be welcoming a little boy!

It seems soooooo strange to picture myself as a boy mom, but God knows what He's doing. : )

When the ultrasound tech told us, I thought to myself "Duh I could've told ya that!" Steve was ECSTATIC! He did a few fist pumps and just laughed! He was so excited....and I think even a few days later, he's still over the moon about getting his little man.

The ultrasound was great. It was so fun to lay there and watch Beans move all around. He was sooo active that it took the technician a while to get his measurements, so it took about an hour and a half for the ultrasound, which was fine by me! It was weird seeing him and feeling him move at the same time. Now I know for sure that I've been feeling movements. I don't have to second guess them anymore!

We got to hear his heart beat, which is still one of my favorite sounds. It was 154 beats per minute. Last time, at 10 weeks, it was 177. The tech said that as they get bigger, their heart beat slows down to a more steady rate. She was happy w/ 154 and kept saying he "has a beautiful heart." She said that multiple times, and every time she said it, I thought, although I am glad that physically he has a beautiful heart, but I hope that he will have a beautiful heart in general. I hope he grows up as a honorable, kind, caring, man with integrity.

It's amazing how much you can want so much for this little person who doesn't even weigh a pound yet. (By the way, he weighs 13 oz). I want him to be able to have every luxury and every advantage in life. I am going to do every thing I can as his mom to give him that. That's the least I can do for him.

After our ultrasound, I went to visit w/ my doctor. I got weighed and blood pressure taken. Every thing seemed okay. Since my last appointment, I'd only gained 2 more pounds, bringing my grand total weight gain up to 8 lbs at 21 weeks.

Once we left the doctor, we ran to Target to each pick out an outfit.

Here's the outfit I picked out.




Here's the outfit Steve picked out.



Here's a picture of me & Betsy. Not so hot of me, but we realized we didn't have any belly pics together, so we had to take one!

20 Weeks Today

Here's how Beanie is growing this week!

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

Ugh...

I had such a horrible night of sleep last night. Normally, I don't have a problem sleeping. I can sleep pretty much anywhere, anytime. I've always heard that pregnant women have such a hard time getting comfortable while they sleep, but I had found a sure fire way to give me a full night's rest.

It's still comfortable for me to sleep on my back. My What to Expect When Expecting book told me that around week 18, I should stop sleeping on my back because the weight of my uterus could cut off blood flow to something important (I forgot what exactly). Well, I asked my doctor about it and she said that if my body wasn't getting proper blood flow while sleeping, I would switch sides to become more comfortable.

So, I still sleep on my back...but over the past few days, I've noticed it's more comfortable for me to sleep on my right side. THIS however, is not fun. My husband sleeps on his left side, and so we end up facing each other. This wouldn't be a big probelm except he is a mouth breather. : / So, sometimes I wake up w/ nasty breath in my face. Gross!

ANYWAY, back to my horrible night of sleep...

I spent the night tossing & turning last night. I successfully pulled the sheet out from the bottom of the bed & had it all wrapped around me, leaving none for Steve. Izzy needed to go out 2 times (once was about 30 mins before I had to wake up for work, which always makes me really mad). I'm so ready for a nap. If I weren't taking off next Thursday, I would've probably taken the day off today & slept in and it would've been the perfect day for it too since it's raining! : /

One More Week

One more week {from tomorrow} until we find out what we're going to have.

I personally think it's a boy. However, I know my bestie, Jenn, thinks it's going to be a girl. We have a $5 bet going on...and I'm pretty sure she's going to lose. :) I think most of the women I work w/ think that I'm having a girl as well...which don't get me wrong, that's what I would pick if I could, however, I just have this nagging feeling that it's going to be a boy.

Everything is finally starting to sink in. I'm going to be a mom. OH.MY.GOSH. Am I cut out for this? Will I be able to take care of a baby that's sobbing it's eyes out? Can I figure out how to make it stop crying? Will I be able to keep my sanity? Or shower? Or keep the house clean? Or pay attention to my sweet baby girl, Izzy?! There are a lot of questions and concerns I have. I guess the only thing I can do is just trust God that I'll make it though.

Tonight I went on a walk w/ my really great friends, Lauren Oakley & Kate Lunn. We did a great walk around my neighborhood. We walked for probably about 45 mins. I feel so wonderful after working out, but sometimes it's just hard to get myself motivated, especially after a long day at work. After my nice long walk, I ate Chipotle and had Baskin Robins for dinner. : / Whoops!

So, I think I'm at my favorite part of pregnancy so far. I'm starting to feel Beans move around A LOT! It's so crazy. Most of the time, it's during the day and it just feels like a little ball rubbing against my stomach. I absolutely love it. Another new development is I am able to actually feel where Beanie's body is now. I know this sounds weird, but mainly after I go pee I really start feeling it. Like there's more room for it, so it readjusts! Haha! My stomach gets really hard in a particular spot, and I'm assuming that's where my little baby is! It's so neat! I just love it! I can't wait until I start feeling some crazy kicks!

JENN AND KATHY ARE COMING INTO TOWN THIS WEEKEND! I'm soooooooooo excited! I can't wait! : ) I love them both soooooo much!!!!

Well, sadly, it's 8:30, and I'm gonna head off to brush my teeth and hit the sack. This momma is worn out!

19 Week Photo

Here's a picture of my friend Audrey & I. She's due next month, and I'm pretty much bigger than her, so that's cool....not

Here's my 19 week photo. Sorry I look so skanky. I clearly wasn't dressed to impress. I don't think there's much change between 18 & 19 weeks...but Beans has apparently gained 2 ounces!

Things I Might POSSIBLY Kill A Small Animal For

- Chicken Ceasar Salad from Macaroni Grill
- Chipotle Vegitarian Burrito...w/ lots of Smoked Hot Sauce
- Home made tuna salad melt...w/ lots of cheese
- Corn dogs dipped in spicy brown mustard.

And I want to wash it all down w/ some Simply Orange OJ.

18 Week Picture

Yesterday's Appointment

Yesterday morning we had an appt.

Everything went great! I got weighed, and in 4 weeks, I'd only gained 1 more lb. So, I'm up from my pre-pregnancy weight by just 6 lbs. I don't think that's too bad considering I'm 2 weeks away from being at the half way mark! I'm nervous about how much I'm going to gain towards the end! YIKES!

Dr. Morse said the heart beat sounded great. Of course, it always sounds great to me! I could listen to Beans' heart beat for hours! When we heard it, Steve & I just looked at each other and started smiling. It's so unbelieveable that in a few short months, we're going to have the perfect blend of the two of us in our arms. I really can't wait!

I think I've been feeling a few kicks and flutters here and there. Mostly when I play music for Beanie. He/She likes the Rockabye Baby cds I've bought. I have to admit, I like them too! :) They're pretty cute.

We find out in a few short weeks what we're going to have! I really can't wait. I think it's going to be a boy. I would love to have a baby girl, but obviously, I'll love my little boy just the same. AND if I'm going to have a boy, I'd rather have him first...that way, my little girls will get to check out all his hott friends when he brings them over to the house to hang out! :) That's the only reason I ever wanted an older brother! Haha!

16 Weeks

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Latest Belly Pic

Here's a pic of my belly from Friday. I'm 15 weeks here. My belly doesn't look like that today, that's for sure! I must have been really bloated! : )

Nursery Update

I need to post pictures, but last week, we got our nursery furniture delivered! It's so beautiful! I can't wait to set it up in the room!

We started painting the nursery yesterday. It's almost done. My mom just needs to come over tonight and finish the trim since I can't get on a ladder and since Steve is horrible at trimming. Once she's done w/ that, we'll be able to move the furniture in place. I'll take pics when I'm done. I think it's going to look gorgeous! I really can't wait!

Friday I had Steve take a picture of my belly! It looks HUGE! Today it's a lot smaller. I'm thinking I was really bloated on Friday. I'll post it anyway! I need to take one in the morning and one in the evening. There's always a huge difference in my belly size.

I'm finally reaching the point where I get full, really fast. Last night for dinner, we had taco soup. I had about 4 bites and I was full, so I stopped eating. Maybe this is why I've only gained 5 lbs so far?! HAHA! Today at lunch, I didn't eat much either. So, who knows? I remember my sister in law having this problem as she got farther along. It was just hard for her to eat normal portions. It seemed like she was snacking a lot. So maybe I'm getting to that point.

Anyway, I'll try to have pics posted by the end of the week, along w/ an update on how Beanie Boo is growing!

GREAT Check-Up!

Tuesday we had a check-up.

We went in just expecting to hear the heart beat & just the other regular things. Well, as I laid on the table and the doctor was searching for the heartbeat, she told me she wasn't able to find it. She said it was normal since the baby is still so small, that you have to be RIGHT on top of it to hear it's heart. I looked at Steve & he kind of had this panicked look on his face. I told him I'm sure everything is okay. I wasn't too worried about it.

So, we go and get an ultrasound. As soon as the doctor put the ultrasound thing on my stomach, she says, "Your baby is perfectly fine!" She turned the screen to us and we saw the most amazing thing ever. Beans was jumping up and down like crazy! It was soooo cute! We both started laughing hysterically! It would jump up and then slowly float back down, and then jump again and slowly float back down. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen!

I just kept saying how weird it was because I don't feel any of that movement yet. So, it's weird to see something moving inside of me, but I don't feel it.

We just stared at it for a while, then it stopped jumping and opened it's mouth...TWICE! WOW! Talk about cool!

Steve told me after our ultrasound that he finally felt connected. I think it's hard for the dad to feel connected, since they don't feel all the symptoms, and they aren't the one carrying it. But I was glad to hear him say that! :)

Here's a picture of our little Baby Beans! It actually looks like a person now! :) HOORAY!

Here's how Beans is growing this week.

This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

HOORAY FOR 2ND TRIMESTER!

Hey!

I've entered the 2nd Trimester today. HOORAY! I'm REALLY hoping things will be better for a while. I hear the 2nd Trimester is the best...we'll just see about that!

I'm VERY excited because in 7 short weeks, we get to find out if Beans is a girl or boy! **Fingers Crossed for Girl!**

I need to take another pic of my belly. I don't think there has been much change since my last picture, but I'll take one anyway.

So, I ordered some Juicy Couture maternity jeans and just received them earlier this week. They are ADORABLE! I had to have my mom hem them because well...I'm sooo short that unless I buy "Petite" pants, everything is too long. I'll wear them this weekend and post a picture!

I think I felt Beans move last Saturday. I'm not 100% sure. I was laying in bed after I woke up, and I felt this really weird fluttery/bubbly sensation in my lower stomach (where Beans is). It didn't feel like a gas bubble, those typically are uncomfortable. This was just kind of like a tickly feeling. I don't really have anything to compare the feeling to, so like I said, I'm not 100% sure if it was Beans or not.

I'm really looking forward to when I feel the baby move on a more frequent basis. I think that will be so exciting and so neat. I know for a while no one will be able to feel it but me, and I think that's really cool. I mean, afterall, I am the one carrying this thing, so I should get SOME special perks, right? : )

Here's how my little sugar is growing this week.

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

Week 12

Week 12 has started out rough.

Yesterday I was MISERABLE! I got such a bad headache after lunch and it didn't go away. : / It doesn't help that I can't take anything but Tylenol, which does NOTHING for me.

I broke down & started sobbing last night. I am just so tired of feeling crappy. Around week 12 things are supposed to start getting better, or so people say! My headaches have been becoming more frequent and longer lasting.

I ended up putting on the movie Elf and falling asleep around 7:00 p.m. and slept the whole night! I got 11 hours of sleep!! I must have needed it!

This morning I'm feeling pretty great...except I feel like my headache might be coming back. : / I told Steve this morning that women who are pregnant should be allowed to stay home during their 1st trimester. Most of the time I felt great, but geez, there were some days I didn't think I was going to make it.

Here's how Beans is growing this week....

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

Most Recent Belly Pic

Here's a pic Steve took this morning of my belly. Sorry I look yucky. I don't have make up on yet! So, deal w/ it! :)

Here's how Beans is growing this week...

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden. She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two -- nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Have a great Weekend!!!!

{M}

Beanie's Most Recent Photo

How cute is little Beanie?! Sooo cute & soooo tiny! :) If you look closely, right above the right "x" mark, you can see A FOOT! That's the foot I saw moving during the ultrasound!

Some days when I'm feeling miserable all I have to do is just look at this little picture and everything seems so worth it.

I thought this was almost over?

Just when I thought my tiredness was phasing out as I get closer to week 12, today I sit at work feeling like I've been up all night long.

Yesterday wasn't such a great day either. I stayed home from work. When I woke up yesterday morning, I felt REALLY queasy, and quite honestly, tired. I decided, you know what, I'm pregnant...work isn't that important, giving my body what it needs is important. So I slept in until 10:00. It felt great...but by 3:00 I was ready for another nap. And by 9:00, I was ready for bed.

I've really been looking forward to week 12. It's the end of my first trimester, and the beginning of my second. I hear good things about the second trimester. So, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to having more energy, not feeling queasy, and just enjoying being pregnant. Most days, I am able to enjoy it. I try not to take any little cramp, muscle ache, sore boob, sleepyness, or just plain sickness for granted. I'm thankful that I'm pregnant...some days I just wish it weren't so hard.

Okay, so, I just have to say, I'm REALLY excited about lunch today. I'm craving McDonalds in the worst way. I'm going to get a McChicken, fries, and probably a vanilla shake. I can't wait. It sounds sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. : ) **Licking Lips**

My Most Recent Appointment

Steve & I had an appointment on Tuesday, August 18th. We went in for another ultrasound & just to meet with our doctor and ask her any questions we might have. I was kind of nervous for the ultrasound. I've heard of women having ultrasounds early, seeing at heartbeat and then at their next one, the baby had died. I was afraid that was going to happen to me, but thankfully we heard a really healthy heart beat (170 beats per minute) and our baby had grown sooooo much!

She/He is 2.5 cm long, and looks perfect! I had read at 8 weeks the baby starts to move around. I had been praying I would get to see the baby move on the ultrasound, and sure enough...Beans moved 3 different times! The first time I didn't see because I didn't know what I was looking for really. The 2nd time, I saw it's left foot kick up in the air and the 3rd time, it's whole body moved. It was the weirdest/coolest thing I have ever seen in my whole life. It was weird to know that it was moving around inside of me, but I couldn't feel it. I can't wait until I can start feeling those kicks!

After our ultrasound, we went over to my doctor's office. They weighed me and to be honest, I was sure I'd gained like 5 lbs since my last appointment three weeks ago. Nope, I was wrong. Turns out, I've only gained 2 lbs in 3 weeks and 4 lbs total since I found out I was pregnant. Not too shabby, huh? My belly has gone down a bit, I think it was mostly bloating. I still have one, however, it doesn't seem as big as it was. Maybe it is, I don't know? I need to take a picture and post it. I'll do that tonight.

Anyway, today is officially 10 weeks! HAPPY 10 WEEKS TO ME! :)

Here's what's happening this week.... Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord.

How Beans is Growing: 9 Weeks

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the Side

Oh my gosh, Chicken Noodle Soup is TOTALLY a God send for me right now.

Some days it's so hard to think about eating, much less getting anything nutritional down. Today was one of those days. Some days I can think of something that will sound KIND OF good to me and while on my way to getting it or making it, I start praying that it won't all of a sudden sound repulsive to me. (It's been known to happen)

Well, today I was wondering what to have for lunch. After reading the menu for the cafeteria downstairs, I started feeling a little queasy. Uh, no thanks. I don't really want to eat Creamed Turkey & Cornbread or a Chili Cheese Dog. I'm already having enough digestive problems as it is. PASS!

I was almost in tears at the thought of lunch. I was so hungry, but yet nothing sounded good to me. Then all of a sudden....chicken noodle soup. I ran over to Gerbes...more like my loving and wonderful husband drove me over there and I picked up some soups to keep at work for days just like today. So, here I'm sittin' eating Campbell's Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup. And oh man, am I lovin' it.

Feelin' Like Crap

Boo for feeling bad.

I'm so tired today. I really don't know how I'm going to make it through the day without falling asleep at my desk. Maybe a mid-day Pepsi will help.

Yesterday I took the day off. I wasn't feeling bad, I just needed to rest. I slept in until 9:30, not nearly as late as I would've liked, but oh well. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'll wake up and my back will hurt, I'll wake up and my boobs will hurt, I'll wake up and Izzy's paws will be in my lower back, I'll wake up & think WTF kind of dream was that?

My dreams have been super weird lately. Take last night for instance, I dreamt that I was dating Ron Weasley (yes, from Harry Potter) and that we were buying a house. Well, I'm down in the basement and he comes down yelling at me to get in the car. So, we run upstairs to the car (which is a red Audi, by the way) and he starts driving like a madman throughout the neighborhood. Turns out, we were being chased by Muggles (aka humans). They had found out we were wizards & wanted to run us out of the neighborhood. As we're driving around, we get out of the car because we see Harry & Hermoine and we start running w/ them. Everyone else from the Wizard world (all the people I remember from the movies) is suddenly in our neighborhood & we're all running from the Muggles. Ron, Harry & I are hiding behind this wall & one of the Muggle's who's trying to get us, comes around the corner & I try to snap her wand...(even though Muggles don't have wands) well...I accidentally snap Ron's wand instead of hers...but Harry does a quick fix & says "Repairo!" Ron just looks and me and rolls his eyes. Whoops! :)

Eventually someone conjures up Gilderoy Lockheart and that scared the Muggles away. Thank God. I was getting tired of running. : )

And that is only the beginning of my weird dreams.

I think my gag reflex is heightened times 10. Everytime I brush my teeth, I gag. Even when I'm not brushing my tongue. It's like when I'm brushing my front teeth...there I go, gagging all over the place. When I take my vitamins, it's espescially bad. It's so bad that once I threw up water & vitamins. : / Sad. I dread taking them anymore. But I know it's something I need to do.

I had a splitting headache last night. I'm not sure if it's from hormones or from sleeping weird lately. I just know that I was not happy last night. I was miserable. I cried myself to sleep because I was in so much pain. Finally, I got my little flax seed pillow heated up (Thanks, Steve!) and that relieved some of the pain. Not nearly as much as I would've liked, but I'll take what I can get.

Hopefully I'll start feeling better today. And HOPEFULLY my headache won't come back. That would be nice.

{m}

Shopping & Sickness

Last night my mom & I went to the mall to look for some baby stuff. She had heard that Sears was having a sale on their maternity clothes, which they were, but they didn't have anything good.

So, off we went to Motherhood, Target, and JC Pennys. While we were at Pennys, we ran into a sale on some baby clothes. My mom, being the eternial optimist decides I'm going to have a girl and starts picking baby clothes off the rack. She told me she couldn't pass it up since they were on such a great sale. So, we ended up walking out of Pennys with $80 worth of baby girl clothes. Thankfully, they have a 90 day return policy & I should find out before then what I'm having. If I'm having a boy, she'll have plenty of time to return all the little girl clothes she bought. :)

I do have to admit, I think I'm having a boy, but seeing all those little girl clothes really made me want a girl even more now. I've always wanted a girl...3 girls in fact. For some reason I just think it would be fun to have 3 girls. I don't know why. That's just what I've always wanted...ever since I was little.

I ended up finding a maternity jean skirt which I figured would be a good purchase. I can wear it now with sandals, in the fall with my Topsiders, and in the winter with my Uggs. I should get some good use out of it.

I think I've made it to the point of morning sickness. Except for me, it's more like, afternoon until I got to bed sickness. I generally start feeling nautious after lunch & it continues until I go to bed. It comes in waves & let me tell you...it's NOT FUN. I haven't thrown up yet, but some days I wish I could. I think it might make me feel better!

My next ultrasound is August 18th. I can't wait! I'll be 10 weeks along. I'm anxious to see how much Beans will have grown by then. It's amazing how fast they grow.

I took a picture of my belly last night. The sad thing is, none of it is baby. Since my torso is so freaking short and my uterus is growing, it's pushing all my organs up & out...so, that's really what my belly is....organs. Great. Eventually, my lower belly (above my pubic bone) will start to poke out. That's currently where Beans is livin'. So, here's a pic.

Here's a picture that we got from the Ultrasound. I know it's kind of hard to make out, but that big thing that looks like an alien head is not Beans' head. I think it's the amniotic sac that Beans will eventually live in. Right now, he/she isn't connected to me by an umbilical cord just yet. They're still attached to my cervix, which is where implantation occurs. So, Beans is actually that little white smidge underneath the alien head looking thing. And if you can see, the brighter white spot on Beans is his/her heart! :)

Baby of Mine

July 8th, 2009. I'll never forget that evening. That's the evening I found out that Steve and I were expecting. Waves of emotion washed over me. Excitement, disbelief, amazement, worry, fear....

I was excited because of the obvious. We had been trying and finally! We were pregnant!

I was feeling disbelief because I had just told Steve if we didn't get pregnant that month, I wanted to take a break for a couple months then start trying again. I just couldn't believe I was actually pregnant. I kept looking at the test to make sure it said "yes", and sure enough, it kept saying "yes".

I was amazed at how fast I got pregnant after my miscarriage. I thought for sure it would take us a long time afterwards. I was afraid my body would take a while to get back in order again, but apparently, it only took it about a month!

And obviously, I was worried and afraid because of what happened in May. May 5th, 2009. Another date I will never forget. It was the most miserable day of my life. I was 5 weeks pregnant, and ended up losing our baby. It was the most helpless feeling in the world. I just had to lay down on the couch all evening and let it happen. I could hardly get up and walk around because my back hurt so bad, so there I lay....in a ball on the couch crying until my cries became dry heaves because I had no more tears left. That was probably one of the darkest times in my life. 

I was really not myself after it happened. I just kind of withdrew from everything. I couldn't really communicate how I was feeling. I could hardly even talk to Steve about it. I just wanted to pretend like it never happened. Normally, I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I just tried to be tough & act like I wasn't hurting, but in reality, I'd never been hurting so badly.

I thought it would get easier as time went on, but in reality, it got harder. At first, I think I was just in schock. I hadn't really comprehended that I was even pregnant. It was hard for me to grasp that. I just couldn't picture myself as a mom. It just felt like a dream. As time went on, I was just really sad about losing a baby. I mean, I felt like it was my fault. Through my miscarriage, we found out that my blood type is O- RH-, so that means, that since Steve is RH+ then we will have RH+ babies...well, when RH + and RH - blood intermix, the person with RH- blood type (Me) will create antibodies against the RH+ positive baby and "get rid of it" essentially. So, I don't know if the baby wasn't developing right or if our blood mixed and my body fought the baby off. Whatever it is, I just felt like it was my fault.

Eventually, I just got pissed whenever I thought about it. I've never wanted to do anything in the whole world as badly as I've wanted to be a mom. When I was little I played house 24/7. I was always a "stay at home mom". That's all I've ever wanted to do! So, when I was pregnant, it felt like my dreams were coming true...I was close to having my "dream job", but then it just got taken away from me. I was FURIOUS! I would get so mad whenever I would see pregnant girls out in public or hear of teenage moms without husbands to help them raise their child. My thoughts were, "We have the finances to raise a baby, we have a house, I have a loving husband, we WANT this baby!" Why did it get taken away from me? ME OF ALL PEOPLE?! Life just wasn't fair.

But, life took a turn for the better. And I am soooo in love with my little baby. I am so excited about becoming a mom.

Steve and I got to see "Beans" (the baby) last Thursday. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Beans doesn't really look like a baby but more like a tadpole type thing. Haha! It's still adorable. And I can't wait to see him/her and give him/her tons of kisses and lots of hugs! We heard Beans' heart beat. I do have to say, that was one of the most breathtaking things I've ever experienced. Just to know that even though it's only 8 weeks old and the size of a blueberry, it has a heart beat....and that Steve & I MADE it! That's the coolest part! 

I have another ultrasound next week and I'm looking forward to it. I wish I could just have an ultrasound once a week. I just want to spend as much time staring at Beans as I can. I look at my ultrasound pictures a lot.

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks. I look forward to Wednesdays now since that's when my "week" is. Every Wednesday I'm a week further along. Here's how Baby Beans is growing this week.

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

I can't believe the baby can MOVE!!!!!! How nuts is that?!